"Ricky's dead..."

I was just dozing off when I heard her. She was screaming my name,
and beating on the front door and big window. I jumped out of bed
and ran down the hall, halfway across the living room, I slowed to a
walk. (dont open the door). Her screams ricocheted off the walls
around me. I stared at the door my eyes dropped down to the floor
and back to my hand frozen inches short of the door knob. (dont open
the door). As long as I didnt open the door she couldnt tell me and it
wouldnt be true, right? just dont open the door, shell have to go
away.
But she was screaming so loud. (youve got to open the
door).
No, no, no, no. Oh God, please, you cant do this. Dont you dare do
this to me, do you fucking hear me?!
I dont remember turning the knob or opening the door, but I
remember screaming, Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!! I put my
hands over my ears and screamed so loud, trying to drown her
screams. But I didnt need to hear her, I could see it on her face and in
her eyes.
Im so sorry. Im so sorry I have to be the one to tell you this, shes
still yelling because Im still screaming.
NOOOOOOO! I was backing away from her, hands covering my
ears.
Oh God, she said, Im so sorry, Rickys dead!
NO! NO! NO, NO, NO, NO! (if I scream so loud I cant hear her, it
wont be true).
Ive been to the funeral home, and I went to the funeral yesterday. And
they said it was Rick in there. They keep telling me hes not coming
home. But they dont know they dont know I dont know how to
breathe without him in my life.
So Im here in our bedroom, and Im waiting because hell be here.
Ricks always running late, thats why hes not here. If I stay here, in
our bedroom, hell show up because he wouldnt leave me here
alone. He loves me and he loves our little girl. And he wouldnt miss
her first birthday. Its just like Rick to disappear for a few days.
Maybe Ill call his cell phone.no...dont think I want to do that , not
yet.