Where Do I Belong?

For the longest time since I could remember, I have been practicing christianism. I go to church with my family, I pray at night, I go to a catholic school, I join religious groups like the Legion of Mary, and practically what other Christian people do. It was okay, until I found out that I was not yet baptized!

I found out about it when fiance (my husband now) and I were preparing all the necessary documents for our wedding. One of the requirements was a baptismal certificate. We found his and when it was my turn to get a copy no one seems to know where I was baptized. Eventually my mom told me that I was not yet baptized! I asked why, and she told me that my father said that I was too young to decide which religion I would choose. What??? I don't know, I truly don't know what to think of it.

From then on I felt that all my life I was living a lie, a make believe world that doesn't exist. Then I started questioning what I was, who I am, and where do I belong. For eighteen years I've been told what Christianity is all about and that path will save you. So does that mean that the eighteen years that I spent doing those things are not counted anymore, because I was not even a Christian then? To this day I still ask that question. When I heard this song again after so many years, I felt sad because it says what I was feeling all these years...

"Consider this
The hint of the century
Consider this
The slip that brought me
To my knees failed
What if all these fantasies
Come flailing around
Now I've said too much
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

But that was just a dream
That was just a dream..."