Breakfast Britney

I spent a couple of weeks kayaking in Icy Bay Alaska in August of 2000. Three other buddies and I got dropped by a bush plane with folding kayaks into this then fairly unknown destination. Icy Bay has beautiful glaciers everywhere. And icebergs fill the bay from time to time which makes navigation with a kayak pretty tricky if not downright deadly.

It was a great trip with a great group of guys. I have fond memories of the spectacular ice calving with loud thunderous echoes through the mountains; the amazing sea flora and fauna and a few nice climbs up nearby mountains where a pick axe came in handy.

But I can't hear Britney Spears, especially "Oops!...I Did It Again" without thinking of this trip. Why? Well, in Alaska there are lots of brown bears (Grizzlies). When out in the elements, you're wise to bring along bear cans to store food and the clothing you cook your food in. Since this trip was long, we had a dozen bear cans divided amongst the four of us to stow in our kayaks and manage at our campsites.

Bear cans all look the same: black, high density plastic shaped into a smooth rounded cylinder. We needed a system to know which food was in which canister. In Anchorage we devised a system: use different Britney Spears stickers we got from a coin machine in the Supermarket to label each bear can. Each hot, sexy photo of Britney represented a dinner, lunch, snack, and condiment loaded bear can. My favorite photo/sticker was the one identifying Breakfast. And when we woke each morning, the first command given by someone was to go get "Breakfast Britney" from our cache located a safe distance from our tents.

Then we'd sit around our breakfast fire, eating, drinking "cowboy coffee" and smoking breakfast cigars. Inevitably someone would break into a mumbling version of "Oops!...I Did It Again" where we'd all join in laughing and thinking about where we'd go that day. Then we'd debate which bear can had the best photo of Britney. It was damn funny and fun. I'll post a photo of us around the campfire with all our Britney bear cans when I find it.

Turned out we were kind of lucky to make it out of Icy Bay. The bush plane we were in on the way back to Yakutat ran out of gas over Malaspina Glacier - a glacier nearly the size of Rhode Island. The pilot, who was a bit of a dick, was real hungover when he landed on the beach to pick us up. He was flying in a stupor over Malaspina when the engine started to sputter, he woke to switch to a reserve tank in just enough time that the engine didn't fully stall - an all too common result from running out of gas in the air.

Britney, I know you're going through some tough times. Tell you what: a long trip to the wilds of Alaska - with the bears, seals, calving glaciers, tents and a good kayak - will do you a world of good. To hell with Dr. Phil.