The Sun That Shined In My Sky For A Summer

Memorial day weekend of my senior year I met a guy who was 11 years older than me. I was immediately smitten with this long haired italian. Though we had an instant connection, our age difference was also an instant cause of friction. Especially since I was yet to even graduate high school. We exchanged numbers, and upon returning home, began seeing each other. Because of the age difference he was adamant that there was no way he could date me, though he really wanted to be friends. I'd never really spent time with a guy so much older, who had a job, a house, and a real life. He was a grown up. Over the next couple of weeks, we began talking everyday and spending most weekends together. We would go a few days "being friends" but then inevitably end up making out.

We would spend those weekends at the lake, going to San Francisco to watch his band rehearse, or just laying around the pool at his house.  This back & forth went on for half the summer, until one weekend. One of his bands had a gig out of town, and I was supposed to go with him. At the last minute he called me and said that it wouldn't be a good idea. He  needed some time. He told me that I was just so damn young, and he was in such a different place in his life. He needed to clear his head.

I was sure that weekend was the end. I told my close friends that we had stopped seeing each other, and I spent the weekend wallowing in my pain. This was truly the closest I had ever come to love. Not teenage love, but real grown up love. It killed me that the one thing keeping us apart, was the one thing I couldn't do anything about. My age. I spent that Sunday night with my cordless phone by my side out on my front lawn. I was hoping he would call when he got back into town. The phone never rang. I decided to give up and go to bed, it was late. With tears streaming down my face I went to go into the house. As I got inside, I realized I had forgotten the phone. I tiptoed back out into the darkness to get it, and there he was, standing in the shadows.

He started to say something, but as I stepped into the light, he could see I had been crying. He asked me why and, not wanting to admit I was crying over him, I made up some stupid reason. I asked him why he was there so late. He smiled and said he had just gotten back into town and wanted to see me and say goodnight. He kissed me and said goodnight. With that he walked back to his car and drove away. I wasn't sure if that kiss was a goodbye or not.

The next day he called and apologized for coming over unannounced and so late, but it had been really important that he see me right then. He began telling me about how the entire weekend, all he could think about was me. By the time he got back into town he had decided he  needed to see me one more time to know for sure that we could make this work. Though he hadn't told me the night before, but seeing my tear stained face in the street light had been the sign he wanted. He thought he might be falling in love with me.

The rest of that summer was spent like any perfect song about that perfect summer. I could probably think of a dozen other songs that I relate to that summer as well. Black is the one though that hits me the most because in the end this was our song. When the summer ended, so did we. He needed someone older, and not just beginning their life. I was crushed. We listened to a lot of Pearl Jam that summer, and we both loved this song so much. When the relationship ended it truly described the shear and utter sense of loss I felt when I found out he was not only with someone else, but engaged.

The funny thing is, that's not the end of the story. We rarely spoke after we split up. He came over one time to tell me in person that he was engaged, because he didn't want me to hear it from someone else. We lost touch after that. I began dating the man I would later marry, and though there was always a small Black spot on my heart from the hurt, I mostly looked at that summer with an innocent sweetness. I was over him.

The next time I saw him was at a show my husband was playing at. We ran into each other at the bar. He grabbed me and hugged me until I finally pulled away. I asked about his wife, and he asked me to join him outside. He said he had gotten divorced. He never should have married her, it was all a mistake. I wasn't sure what to say, so to buy myself a moment I lit a cigarette. It was then that he saw my wedding ring.

The look on his face will always haunt me. That was the moment I became the sun in someone else's sky, not the other way around.