Farewell Phobia

I had always read the Book of Job in the Bible, oblivious  to how the poor servant must have felt after all the losses he encountered but as of mid 2005, I began to feel as if I were Job himself. It was during this time in my life that nothing seemed to be going well.

My friends kept drifting further and further away from me and I suppose due to my irritable nature, I was not in a position to establish any meaningful relationships with anyone. In addition, I lacked the drive and vibe required at my workplace moreso as it happened to be a growing firm in need of zest and lively recruits. I was unhappy with the meager earnings and inadequate benefits at I received at the end of every month and remuneration aside, I just hated my job.

My spiritual life was not spared either. I stopped going to church and attending recreational activities. Hence, it became a struggle for me to get by during the week and my weekends always felt lonesome. I just wanted to die as I felt  I had nothing meaningful to leave for. Fortunately, I neither resorted to drugs nor alcoholic liquor during this distressing period of my life. I decided to dig dipper into the matter.

I guess what really triggered the mild depression I underwent was the subtle rooted fear inside of me. I was afraid of growth, of taking up new challenges, of visiting new places and meeting new people. As a result, I felt ensnared- stifled. I decided to grow in confidence in a bid to overcome the mounting apprehension. There were so many new things I tried out which eventually exposed me to new places and new people.

I felt relieved-my life seemed to be back on track again. I concluded that even though change is not always pleasant, I would rather move forward than remain at the same level. ‘I can see clearly now’ is the song that symbolized the tremendous respite I felt after the lengthy moment of darkness.