Me is Good

Was it really over and could I really be me all over again? Yes, the divorce papers were signed and I was going over there to get the last of my things. I was smiling and pulling into the driveway singing a Janis favorite, gave me all the strength in the world for this particluar moment of closure.

It was due, we had admitted being married for the wrong reasons and sharing a place was kind of wrong if we had no intention of changing. I wanted college, he didn't. I did not want kids yet, he did. We had no relgious affirmation between us but he had a sect I could not lower myself into adopting, so the dividing line between us divided even more. Music and writing lyrics and poems took up time in-between work to avoid arguing over things that were not going to change.

I poured my heart and soul into some lyrics for a few songs I was writing at the time, and Janis's spirit gave me whiny inspiration. Not like the hysterical bellowing she was famous for, but close enough to reaching shattering proportion could I relentlessly follow suit and sang her stuff to strengthen my voice for my stuff. It was therapeutic really when I realized, alone now without the crutch of a guy who professed some love only to turn away when you just have to love yourself first. I was young, 22 and very naive. I did know I wanted more than just being a wife and being together was not going to let me be all I could be, alone and free and just by myself, would.

So "a woman left lonely" by Janis Joplin gave me a reason to be happy and more secure with what I had to do with the rest of my life. I discovered being me is very good and what I am leaving behind, shall pass into the earth and maybe grow a flower from in the garden of my experiences with life as it is.