Summoning Your Inner Morrison

Okay, I just had iTunes set to random and this song came on, I couldn't help but laugh because it seriously brought up one of the funniest and nastiest memories. Here's fair warning, if you don't like toilet humor move on.

On one of my first trips to Japan, my girlfriend at the time was staying in Tokyo for a month visiting her mom. This was perfect timing, I had a free place to stay for 2 weeks and got to meet the mom for the first time. The whole trip was a blast and I think I even scored points with the mom. My last night in Tokyo, I went out to dinner with my girlfriend, her best friend and her husband. It was a great evening, we had some of the best sushi I've ever tasted. The girls didn't drink so I ended up getting hammered on cheap sake bombs with the husband. I am BOMBED ... my flight was 10am in the morning, so my girlfriend being of sound mind drags me home so I can get some rest before heading off to the airport (she was staying behind for another week or so). 

This is were things go south, so turn away now before its too late ...

The clock strikes 3am (trust me I remember this very well), my stomach starts to quiver and that acid feeling begins to bubble up to my chest. As quietly as possible, I tip toe to the bathroom, I proceed to pray to porcelain god as if trying to open the gates of Valhalla. Was it the fish? Was it the cheap sake bombs? Who knows, all I know is time stood still and I am crouched like a choir boy waiting for his communion wafer. After what seemed like an eternity I hear my girlfriend's mom in the kitchen cooking breakfast ... dear lord it's 6am! I've been at this for 3 hours.

I cleaned myself up and headed towards the dinning room, everyone was waiting for me at the table to start breakfast. Now a proper Japanese breakfast consists of rice, fish, miso soup and fermented soybeans, not exactly what I needed at that moment. Trying to keep up appearances I "manned-up" and downed the full breakfast. My head is still swimming and I have the sweats, but I managed to wolf everything down with a smile and a yes ma'am can I please have some more (impressing the mom). I confided to my girlfriend that I'm in no condition to figure out Tokyo's subway and needed her help as far as Tokyo station so I can catch the train to the airport. 

We jump into a cab, 5 minutes in the ride things start to go south again. Tokyo cabs are as clean as hospital rooms and this gaijin wasn't about to defile this man's car. I managed to roll down the windows just in time and proceeded to paint a third line down the highway, luckily it was pretty early in the morning and traffic was light on a Sunday. Once again I am praying to the deities and apologizing profusely to the cab driver as he just politely laughed to himself. My girlfriend carries me into the station and pours me on the ground, shaking her head and giving me that look (guys you know that look); I'm laying on the floor waiting for her as she buys my train ticket.

At this point I'm pretty green in the gills, but I have summit fever, my brain stopped working and I'm running on pure animal instinct, like some insane squirrel ... I must get to the airport. But, once again that familiar queasy feeling washes over me and I run to the men's room. I am 4 feet away from the urinal, but I can't hold back anymore, I stop dead in my tracks and do my best Godzilla impression, blowing fiery chunks right into the target. When I snapped out of monster mode I noticed an audience of Japanese business men around me, looking very impressed and giving me that knowing wink of "we've all been there before son".

Time is running out, the train to the airport is about to leave soon. I summon my inner Jim Morrison, wash my face, brush my teeth and headed out to kiss my girlfriend farewell. As I board the train, life is returning to my being. I pop into my mini-disc player "Diesel Power" by The Prodigy, the thumbing beat and Kool Keith's intensity is acting like an artificial heart pumping energy back into my body.

About 3 hours into my flight to New York the flight attendant places a tray of sushi in front of me, I just stared at it, popped on The Prodigy again and laughed ... muuuuhhaaahhh.