Off the Deep End

My parents came from large families and raised a large family.  My siblings were already on their way to having sizeable families, thus when I married I assumed a large family was in store for me as well.  It didn’t happen.  The reality I faced in 1968 was a marriage dissolved and, after many tests, having a doctor tell me my chances of having a child were a million to one.  First I cried.  After the tears I went through a period of feeling like half a woman and then I got angry.  When I first heard Born to be Wild I truly went off the deep end.
 It’s not a period in my life that I’m real proud of, but the memories flood in anyway whenever I hear this song.  Somewhere in my state of mind at the time I decided that “a true nature’s child” such as me that beat the odds if I just worked at it a little harder.  In retrospect the term slut comes to mind.  By day I was the model secretary for an up and coming insurance salesman who was respected by friends, family, and clients.  By night I drank too much, partied even more, and never turned down an offer of sex.  Somehow I survived the insanity without disease or other dire consequences.  It took awhile, but I finally came to my senses and shed the dark side of my life.
 I realize that kind of lifestyle is not what the song advocated, but it’s what my warped state of mind heard at the time.  Hearing it now reminds me of that troubled time and reminds me to be thankful for all the blessings I have now.  Not the least of those blessings is a wonderful husband, two stepdaughters, four step-grandchildren, and one son I gave birth to in 1973.